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Thursday, March 31, 2011

Why ask why?

Recently, I had a conversation with someone lost in the question of "why", so I thought it would be a good time to bring back an older blog for a little insight on the question "why"?  Enjoy!

Most times, when something goes wrong in our lives, the very first question we ask ourselves is "Why?" Unfortunately, this is the worst question we can ask ourselves. Some people live so much in the question of why, that they never get past the event that made them say it to begin with. Why, you see, is a useless question. It never really matters why. Remember when you were a kid, and you wanted to do something, and your parents said no, and you asked them "Why?" and they answered, "Because I said so, that's why." That, in essence, is actually the best answer to your question. Because it doesn't matter why. It only matters that you can't do whatever they told you you couldn't do. "Mom, John's having a party, can I go?" Your mother responds "No." "Why?" You ask. It doesn't matter why. Maybe it's because you have to do something else. Maybe it's because your mom doesn't think much of John. Maybe it's because she knows that no one wants you at the party, or maybe it's none of those things. The fact of the matter is, you can't go. So "Why" you can't go becomes irrelevant.

"Why are we here?" "Why did this have to happen to me now?" "Why is the store always sold out of what I came for?" So many questions of why, and in each case, it doesn't matter why. It doesn't matter why you're here, because you are indeed here. It doesn't matter why something happened to you now, because it did indeed happen. And it certainly doesn't matter why the store is out of what you came for, because nothing is going to make it magically appear in their stock. So as you can see, "Why" is a useless question.

It's useless because it only leads to more questions. It never leads to action. And in this way, many people get locked into the trap of "Why". The question of "Why" also leads to all the "what if's" that take people out of the present moment, and lost in a hypothetical world of things that don't exist. And no matter how much you wish that they would, they don't. You only have NOW. Asking "What if this would have happened instead?" is just a way of mentally torturing yourself. With that in mind, the correct questions to ask yourself instead of "Why", are "What", and "How".

You must first accept the situation as it is. This is important. Acceptance is the first phase of overcoming any obstacle. Then, ask yourself the questions of "What" and "How". So, in the example above of "Why did this have to happen to me now?" The replacement for the question of "Why" is "Ok, this happened to me. What can I do to make this situation better, or how can I prevent this from either getting worse, or happening to me again?" "What" and "How" are calls to action. And when you are taking action, you have control over the situation, instead of the situation having control over you. Remember, if you feel that something has happened to you, then you are a victim. Victims never overcome their obstacle. You are only a victim in the moment that something is happening in your life. Once that moment is over, how you choose to react to that situation will define you either as a victim, or, for lack of a better word, a survivor. Some people are a victim of an event for the rest of their life. They use it as an excuse to never be able to achieve things in their lives. They'll tell you "You don't understand what happened to me". The ego is in full force. You may not have control over what happened to you at the time it happened, but you certainly have control over every single moment after that. How will you choose to react to that? From weakness, or strength?

There are so many beautiful cases in which someone has overcome so much. I recently read about a quadriplegic that swam the English Channel. He lost his limbs after being electrocuted on a ladder. But he did not remain a victim of that accident. He has been living his life, including not only swimming the English Channel in just over 14 hours, (10 hours less than even he thought it would take him), but skydiving, and things like that. He could have lived the rest of his life lost in the question of "Why". "Why did this have to happen to me". But he chose the "What" and the "How". What could he do to keep living his life? How can he make his life better? He was only a victim for the moment of the electrocution, now he is a survivor, and deals from a place of strength.

"Why" is a trap of the ego. It begs for sympathy for us from others. It wants others to do for us what we feel we cannot do for ourselves, because we are a victim. If you live your life lost in the question of "Why", it will be a very unhappy place to live. If you turn your mind into the action questions of "What" and "How", you will see amazing changes start to take place in your life.

Love and light.........
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1 comments:

Ms. C said...

Gratitude.

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